First Chapter: Counterpoint
That time Jeremy learned to adult (sort of)
“Good morning, honey bunches!” I fling open the door of Jamie and Briar’s apartment with as much flourish as I can come up with at 7:30 in the morning. Luckily, I’ve got skills in staying up all night and still functioning reasonably well the next day—and it’s a good thing I do. I completely lost track of time last night and ended up staying out until almost 2 a.m. Whoops. I promised Jamie I would be a good boy and get a full night’s rest before my first day at my new job.
At least Jamie’s used to me breaking promises. Sometimes I’m amazed he’s still my best friend after living in the Burlington University dorms with me. Anyone else probably would have kicked my ass to the curb after the time I came into our room at 3 a.m. drunkenly singing “We Are the Champions” at the top of my lungs. But Jamie just rolled his eyes and joined in at the chorus.
I’m still not sure how I got so lucky in the friend department.
Briar Nord, Jamie’s boyfriend, looks up at me from the bowl of cereal he’s pouring. He grins wryly. “Morning, Jeremy. I had a feeling we were going to regret giving you that spare key.”
“Aww, sweetums, don’t be like that. I brought you a treat.” I whip a white paper bag out from behind my back.
Briar’s eyes immediately light up. “Maple donuts? Gimme. And I take it back. You can have all the keys you want if you bring me donuts in the morning.”
I’m happy to pass over the bag. I had to go a little out of my way to get my morning coffee from The Maple Factory, Briar’s favorite bakery, but the look on Briar’s face right now makes the extra trip worth the trouble. Briar and Jamie have done a lot for me in the past month. After I got the phone call from my mom informing me that she was no longer going to “finance my playboy lifestyle,” as she put it, and that there was no way she was going to pay for me to stay in Vermont during the summer once I finished my junior year, I may have panicked a little. And by “panicked,” I mean I went on a drinking binge that ended with a lost wallet, a strained wrist, and a cute blond guy who kept trying to convince me we should get married.
Again: whoops.
Jamie, Briar, and our friend Lexy were not impressed. But I maintain that my reaction was proportional to the problem. My mother was insisting I move back home to Connecticut for the summer. I’m pretty sure anyone faced with three months of Delia Everett’s disapproval and stern expressions would also start downing tequila shots.
Luckily, Jamie and Briar came to my rescue. Briar helped me land a sublet in the apartment above his and Jamie’s, and Jamie knew a law firm in Burlington hiring a receptionist and gofer boy. It doesn’t pay well, and since most of my money is going to go to rent, I’ll be a little more cash-poor this summer than I’m used to. But at least I’ll be in Burlington, VT, and not in Wellsford, CT, with a mom who thinks I’m wasting my life and never misses an opportunity to tell me so.
“Good morning.” Jamie steps out of the bedroom and into the open living area of the apartment as he wipes sleep out of his eyes. He nods at me. “Oh, good. You’re up. I was going to run upstairs and knock on your door, just in case you stayed out all night or something.”
“Never,” I reply innocently, but Jamie knows me well. He just shakes his head and smiles.
“Well. You’re awake. And it looks like you’re showered and actually going to be at work on time for your first day. Frankly, Jeremy, I’m impressed.” He leans over to give Briar a good morning kiss on the cheek.
“Plus, he brought donuts,” Briar replies with his mouth full.
“And . . . .” I pull another bag out from behind my back and hand it to Jamie. “Crullers. Your favorite. Just for you, best bro. See how I stuck the landing there?”
Briar applauds. “Ten points from this judge.”
“Thank you.” I take a bow and pull out a chair to sit down at the tiny table across from Briar and Jamie. The two of them immediately start doing this thing I’ve noticed they do in the mornings. First, Jamie rubs at Briar’s hair a little while he kisses his cheek, and then Briar passes him a cup of tea that Jamie takes a sip of, and right after that, Briar nuzzles into Jamie’s neck again. Next, they kiss all gently before they nod at each other. Every morning I’ve seen them together since they moved into this apartment looks exactly the same. And somehow, I know they’re talking to each other the whole time, even though they’re not saying a word.
I swore off committed relationships after my first and only real attempt at one went balls up during my freshman year at Moo U. (That’s what the locals call Burlington University—because of all the cows here. Not very original, but at least it’s accurate.) That choice was necessary and right, and, for the most part, I’ve never regretted it. Sometimes, though, Briar and Jamie make me wonder what I’m missing. They’ve been together for over a year now, since Jamie and I were sophomores, and they make being a couple look so easy. So good. Anyone who didn’t know the Netflix-level drama that came with them getting together would think they’ve always had the perfect relationship. They even met at a romance book club Briar started. Who actually meets the love of their life at a romance book club?
Sometimes, it’s hard not to look at them and remember that I’ll never be able to have what they have. I can’t—it’s not possible. I’ve learned that lesson, and I mostly try not to dwell on it. But whenever I see Jamie and Briar like this, I feel a tiny twinge in my stomach . . . and I can’t help wondering what life could be like if only things had worked out a little differently for me.
“I’m proud of you, Jeremy,” Jamie tells me as he wipes cruller crumbs off his face. “That was a shitty bomb your mom dropped on you, but you handled it really well once we got the tequila bottle out of your hands. And maybe this will be good, you getting a real-world job and adulting with the rest of us this summer. Maybe you’ll like making your own money. Maybe you’ll even like working at the law firm.”
I tend to doubt that. Work and I have never had a very positive relationship. It gets in the way of play, and who wants that? I’m not a total asshole: I know I’m incredibly lucky and privileged to have gone this long in life without needing a real job beyond some temporary gigs here and there. My parents’ wealth isn’t something I don’t appreciate, especially since I spent the first two years of college watching Jamie work his ass off at multiple jobs while he was taking as many classes as I was. But there are so many beautiful things to see and experience out there in the world. Why sit behind a desk and miss out on them, I always figured, when I had the ability to enjoy them?
I’m moving forward with a new outlook, though. I’ve got to hold down a job and pay my rent, and I still refuse to give up on all the wonderful experiences life has to offer. I made a promise to live my life to the fullest, and I’m determined to keep that promise. So last night, I stayed out until 2 a.m. and enjoyed the hell out of myself with some grad student I met at the Vino and Veritas bar, and I still got up when my alarm went off this morning.
See Mom? I whisper in my head. I know you think I’m a total fuck-up, but I can do this.
At least Briar and Jamie like me the way I am. They always seem to. Even when they probably shouldn’t.
Briar yawns and stretches. “Yeah. Maybe you’ll like this job, Jeremy. It’s cool that you get to work with Aaron.”
I choke on my sip of coffee. “I’m sorry? What the fuck did you just say?”
Briar looks concerned as he passes me a napkin to wipe up the liquid I just spit all over myself. “Uh, Aaron? Jamie’s brother? Who is also working at the law firm?” He and Jamie are both staring at me. I pull in a deep breath through my nose to try and quell the rising panic that’s circling in my chest.
“Aaron?” I say as calmly as I can. “I thought he was in Boston. Isn’t he working at the same place he worked last summer?” Please let that be true. Please let me be misunderstanding something.
Jamie shakes his head and pulls another cruller out of the bag I brought him. “No, everyone in our family thought that too. But then he surprised us. He said he’d rather be in Burlington this summer to be closer to us, and one of his friends at Harvard Law helped him get a clerkship here. That’s how I knew there was an opening for an admin position at his firm. He mentioned it to me.”
A million questions are swirling in my head. Does Aaron know I’m going to be working at his firm? Did he suggest this to Jamie? Will I have to see him a lot? Are we ever going to talk about that one night we never, ever talk about? Are things going to be as fucking awkward as they’ve been for the last fifteen damn months?
Oh: and does he still remember all the things I stupidly told him that night? Those things I still can’t believe I let come out of my mouth? Those things that no one—not even his brother, my best friend—knows?
I’m stuck on that question when Briar leans over to tap me on the arm. “Dude, are you okay? Does this have something to do with how weird you and Aaron have been around each other lately?”
The panic that’s been circling my lungs starts to do somersaults. “What are you talking about?” I ask, keeping my voice as even and cool as possible. “Aaron and I aren’t weird around each other.”
“Yeah, you are.” Jamie gets up to pour himself some more hot water before dropping another tea bag into his mug. “The three of us used to hang out all the time back when you and I were freshmen and Aaron was still at Moo U. And look, I know things got weird when he got into law school early and all that drama happened with my family. But that’s all been over for more than a year, and the two of you still barely even look at each other when Aaron’s home from Boston. What’s the deal?”
There are zero good ways to answer that question. I can’t blow Jamie off and tell him he’s imagining things, because he’s not. Aaron and I have been weird AF since he made up with his family last spring. I spend a lot of time with Jamie’s family, the Morins—partly because I’d rather be with them for holidays and weekends than deal with my mother, and partly just because I like them. They’re fun and accepting, and they’ve adopted me the same way they’ve adopted Briar. Being with them reminds me of what I left behind in Connecticut. They remind me of everything I lost, but usually not in a bad way.
They remind me of the best days of my life. The days before everything went to shit and I resolved never to go back home.
But whenever Aaron comes home for a family get-together or a holiday or whatever, he and I spend the entire time trying to look polite and chill and happy to see each other without actually having to get anywhere near each other. It’s a lot of work, honestly, and since work isn’t really my thing, I’ve started avoiding Aaron. I haven’t seen him since Christmas, when we both spent the day at the Morin farmhouse, and he nearly fell into the fireplace trying to get away from me during a game of charades.
I take one more breath and flash Jamie and Briar my best, most practiced smile. This is the same one I use when people ask me how my family is doing, or why I don’t go home very much, or tell me how nice it must be to have a trust fund and never have to worry about anything. Sometimes I see this smile in the mirror, and I wonder how anyone could ever fall for it: it doesn’t even look like it fits my face. But I’ve made an entire city believe it’s real, including my best friends. There’s no reason to believe it won’t work on Jamie and Briar now.
“Aaron and I just aren’t as close as we used to be,” I say smoothly. “We haven’t talked that much since you two made up. It’s no big deal, okay? Working with him will be fine.” I make a show of checking my watch. “Better get going if I don’t want to be late.”
Jamie’s tilting one eyebrow at me, and Briar’s studying me a little more closely than I like as he takes another bite of donut. “Okay,” Jamie says slowly. “If you’re sure. But just so you know, I think Aaron’s a little nervous about this job. He tripped over the same bucket three times when we talked about it last night at the farm. And then he nearly brained himself with a milking machine.”
I wince. Unfortunately, I am very familiar with Aaron’s ability to completely lose his coordination when he’s nervous. I’ll never forget the incident with the lamp on The Night We Do Not Mention. “So maybe help him out if you can,” Jamie adds. “I know this is your first job and all, but it’s not like you’re going to be nervous about work today.”
“Of course not,” I agree. Because he’s right. Why would I get nervous about the first day at a new job? Who cares? It’s just a job. Life’s too short to worry about impressing people, especially people you don’t know or care about. I’ll show up, I’ll answer phones, and I’ll play fetch for everyone in the office. The only thing that matters is that the lawyers like me enough to pay me. “I’ll do my best,” I add as I send Jamie and Briar another beaming smile. Briar’s still giving me that look he gives me sometimes, like he’s peering deep into my soul. I always have to make sure I’m not squirming in my chair when he stares at me like that.
“Have a good day, Jeremy,” Briar finally says. “Good luck.”
“Thanks!” I grab a donut for the road and jet out of the apartment. My stomach’s swirling, though, and I end up having to set the donut down in the passenger seat of my car.
Jamie’s right: I don’t get nervous about things like jobs. That’s not me.
Unless I’ve just found out that my new job includes working with my best friend’s brother, the guy I had a one night stand with fifteen months ago.
The only one night stand I’ve ever regretted.
Once again: whoops.